Kate Will Never Be A K Debater

Dear Followers,

It’s a weird feeling, walking away from what presumably is my last debate tournament. I had always imagined my last debate would be full of ridiculous shenanigans, with me having the freedom to run arguments as I pleased in one final round. But alas, the 2NR was the Security K. In a way, I guess that qualifies as ridiculous shenanigans. At least I gave a half decent 1AR for once. And hey, we picked up a ballot against a K.

I can remember when I first joined what had been described to me as Mrs. Sarff’s academic cult. I was a sophomore and I didn’t want anything to do with debate. All I wanted to do was put in some work, collect some awards, and apply to some Ivy League school. Thankfully, as a member of the debate team, I never really won any awards. No, instead I gained something much more valuable from debate which has helped me become the eccentric person I am today.

My first debate tournament was a doozie. It was the day after Homecoming, and after cheering my lungs out at the football gang, I spent the rest of my night frantically highlighting files with Cosette Haugen and Evan Chen. It’s no surprise that my habit of saving all of my prep until the day before the tournament never really changed. The next day was a messy affair. Our first round was against Blake HS and we picked up by adding a slew of environmental impacts to the Immigrant Magnet DA. The second round, after I confidently read through the 1AC, our opponents resigned. Finally, we won a round against a Food Stamps AFF for reasons I will probably never remember.

It’s surprising how much everything changed as I continued to debate. During novice year I remember debating Cupcake and Cole Johnson-Jensen and feeling like I had just met the two most annoying kids in the world. Fortunately, after a bit of MDAW love, I found myself hugging the jelly out of each one during the next season. I remember how I hit Jon Yang at Concordia, the round before I mavericked while Cosette was AFK, and just feeling like he was a big scrub. Look at Ian Young now. Too bad he didn’t see Red Spread coming.

I can’t say I don’t have any regrets. For instance, I never really found out if Eric Short had a girlfriend or not. Word on the street is that he is looking to get back together with Sox in the near future. Mere speculation if you ask me. I never even got to run H-Triv either, even after I put a full two hours into making a comprehensive file. I swear, Eden Prairie CL was so close to reading a “Patriarchy Is Worse Than A Nuclear Holocaust” card at Sections. That would have been some first class trifling.

I’m not going to lie; I am going to miss debate a lot. I am going to miss eating Sonic on a daily basis as we zip around the Midwest for national tournaments. I am going to miss my one night debate with Kelsey Maher. I am going to miss coming up with dumb ideas and having them shot down by Talon Powers or Eric Short. I am going to miss speed reading my textbooks for practice. I am going to miss Mrs. Sarff’s suggestions to go all in on inherency. I am going to miss seeing everybody in the debate community on weekends.

But, most of all, I’m going to miss being a debater. It’s been a good few years. Thank you.

Kate, Stop Lying To Yourself,
Noel