APYC And Me

Dear Followers,

The first day of camp remains crystal clear in my mind. I woke up at 10:30 after a night of relishing my old world. My world of being in the same room in my friends and saying nothing verbally for hours, my world of narrowly focusing on only my own problems every day, my world of drifting between identities like outfits. The harsh awakening I received when I was pushed onto my back and deprived of my comforter was only a foreshadow of what was to come. Sluggishly shoving down some quick breakfast noodles, I put on my white tennis shoes and shuffled into Kaleen's minivan.

Why did I sign up for the retreat? I definitely didn't want to learn how to be a leader. Those glossy bureaucratic words and phrases had lost effect on me when I was in elementary school. There was no parental pressure. In fact, my parents seemed to forget about me completely when they realized that I could succeed without them directing my every action. Shray will probably need them to move his strings for a few more years yet. Did I want to meet new people? Not really. I was never gung-ho for meeting new people, especially without my friends by my side.

I guess I just wanted a break. A break from all the work that had piled up from my summer-induced negligence. A break from my detached parents and disappointed cousins. A break from everyone's expectations and preconceived notions of my character. Going to a retreat is like receiving a blank slate. Nobody really knows you, the mistakes you have made, the type of person you are, the talents you posses. The retreat would be a time for me, at the very least, to just relax and forget about my life.

While I knew Partha fairly well, I wasn't very good friends with Silvia, Miri, or Kaleen, and I figured I could take some time to get to know them more comprehensively. I would have never guessed that after the retreat I would have so many more friends.

Several drops of rain hit me in the face. After banging my head on the cold metallic siding of the bus, I looked up to find nearly everybody sleeping with the exception of Wibi MacDonald and Latifah Moss conversing dramatically in the back. I decided to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I figured to more I slept, the sooner I would be able to go home.

When I opened my eyes again, rain was cascading down, shaking each and every tree outside the bus window and leaving uninviting puddles on the muddy brown path leading to the ferry. As we slowly crossed the lake on a wobbly pontoon, I had an awkward conversation with Steven Aviles to pass the time as I waited for when I would be able to see the people I knew once again. We were separated on the way down I guess. As I brushed off my muddy tennis shoes and stepped into the main chapel I kept telling myself the same verse over and over again: "only five more days, only five more days."

My first visit to the public bathrooms was horrifying. Slowly opening the door, I came across an odd sight of a sparkling white bathroom plastered with muddy tracks from floor to wall. I quickly finished my business and then sprinted up to the dining hall to catch the first night's dinner.

So many foreign eyes. As I shifted from table to table I could feel each and every one pierce me. Only when I saw Partha on the far side of the room did I begin to feel less uneasy. Dinner that night was out of this world. With one bite of Ray's homemade cooking, I nearly forgot all of my superficial worries. The barbecue chicken was juicy and easily slide off the bone when pried while the cheesy potatoes sent even the lightest eaters back for seconds. With Partha, I felt fairly confident at the dinner table and made my usual round of awkward and unusual jokes.

These were my first impressions: Chris Her was very quiet, Shoryeah Yang was very shy, and Pranav was very sociable. 1 out of 3 isn't bad.

After dinner we all headed over to the lodge to pick up our luggage. The sparkling clean hotel rooms which viewed through inviting doors contrasted heavily with the dismal wooden cabins I passed on my way to Cabin 7. On the way over I met up with BY Min and Chris Her and we slowly made our way over to Cabin 7. For those of you who never embarked on the journey, Cabin 7 really is in the middle of nowhere. Chris told me on the final day of the retreat that his first impressions of me where that I was awkward. Based on the walk over, I can understand why he thought so.

With a sigh of relief, each of us slowly unloaded our luggage after calling our respective beds. While Cabin 7 is the furthest from civilization at Bay Lake Camp, the lavish interior serves as a reward for weary inhabitants. We even had a decorative accent light which we would eventually display proudly to passing campers whenever we could.

After a few awkward workshops, I was on fairly good terms with Chris and BY. I remember being manhandled by Allan Nguyen during the group drawing game and having my first conversation with Emily Choe, Juhyun Kwon, and Soo-Bin Song, collectively know as "The Koreans" with Miri and Silvia eventually, because I mentioned the song "Gee" by SNSD when the dance group met. At this point, I could probably name 11 kids at the retreat in total.

On the first night, our mutually morbid conditions brought us together in Cabin 7. As BY played his guitar, we slowly opened up to one another and even played card games for a few hands as our mentor Chee Yang slept like a distressed housewife in the front of Cabin 7. Who would have known that Bomb could be so confusing? What really sealed our bonds in Cabin 7 was the paranormal activity we experienced after midnight. Right before we were going to all go to sleep, Trong began to tell several disjointed ghost stories. The next moment, the light was flipped on and I was placing shoes on all the chairs in our cabin. That shared memory created a permanent bond which would last for the rest of camp.

The next morning I felt more confident than before. With my Cabin 7 posse, I easily slipped into Sandy Kwan's morning yoga session. Srivastiva was easily the most enjoyable pose for me and 95% of the campers who couldn't pull off a Downward Dog. My stomach growled as I shuffled into the mess hall for breakfast. I didn't know when, but all of a sudden I was surrounded by male campers at the breakfast table. Turns out spending a night in a cabin gives you a collection of shared experiences which are easy to complain about and make natural conversation with. Now I could name 20 people at the retreat. Ray's morning french toast was the cherry on top of a great morning.

The second day was when we really began to get into the legislative sessions. The legislative sessions, while helpful for some of the campers, really just are not for me. After having participated in policy debate for 2 years and covered my fair share of governmental policies and fundamentals in high school, I couldn't help but feel like much of the information was fairly basic. In order to inconspicuously pass the time, I decided to draw whatever came to mind as the sessions continued on.

My doodles soon helped me meet a few new people who were impressed with my feminine sketches of Chris. Soon nearly everybody recognized me as somebody who could draw. I doubt that even some of my closest friends know that I like to draw.

From that moment, everything seemed to pick up and quickly fall into place.

During the Ninja, Bear, Hunter organized game, I was able to get to know Wibi MacDonald by tricking him one round by flashing the wrong sign. When Brian pulled us aside to work on our legislative roles, I met Henry Vo who was my fellow lobbyist. Unfortunately our carefully crafted plan to scare Chairwoman Jasmine Nabhan into voting the bill down was foiled by security. While learning "Bad But Good," I met Calvin, Latifah, and Rathminee whose rendition of "Push Push" forced my mouth to drop for a good 2 minutes. Watching SNSD videos with Anthony Her eventually pushed me into a funny conversation with Steven Aviles and Mikey Xiong. I unknowingly joined Joua Her's election campaign and unofficially helped with Elbert's. After huffing and puffing my way across the forest, I was able to high five Adrian Ke, Jasmine Nguyen, and Sheng Vang before quietly heading over to the prison.

By the fourth day, I really felt like I was part of a family. Anybody who was at the reflection session would understand just how close we had become as a group. I had never experienced anything like that reflection session. For everybody to so openly talk about whatever they wanted to without fear of being judged, fear of being categorized, fear of being disliked, such a feeling was incredible. Having the chance to listen to all of the experiences, good and bad, that the other campers had to go through not only reinscribed how fortunate I was, but really sealed the bonds that I had formed with them over the past week. I could now name every single person at camp.

On the bus ride home I didn't want to close my eyes for a second. I feared that if I fell asleep I would lose a moment with my new family. Physiological needs eventually got the best of me. After all, nobody can go on less than 5 hours a sleep every night forever.

When I stepped of that yellow school bus I came face to face with a genuinely wonderful sight. The stairs in front of the government building were filled with campers and mentors. Some were laughing, some were hugging, some were crying. I could barely come to terms with the fact that in a few moments we would each drift apart and go back to living our individual lives. Even when the cameras clicked for our group picture I could only think about what we would do as a group next.

Only when I opened my front door and shifted into my empty house did I begin to understand that the retreat was actually over. Were it not for the flood of Facebook messages and texts I received from campers, I know I would have felt extremely lonely.

The next few days I had to stay with my friend Evan Chen as I waited for my parents to come back from a journey across North America. When I threw up a “W” with my hands and my friend didn’t even change his expression, I became aware of a genuinely profound fact.

I was part of a whole new world.

I couldn’t even believe how dramatically my world had expanded over the week. I was connected to kids in Brooklyn Park. I was connected to kids in Rogers. I was connected to kids in St. Paul. I was connected to kids in White Bear Lake. Hell, I was connected to more than that even. I was connected to the collective experience of the Chinese, the Hmong, the Korean, the Filipino, the Thai, the Indian, and more. I even downloaded some Thai-Pop today after I had cleaned out Juhyun’s K-Pop list.

I feel like I have aged considerably. Suddenly all of those expectations I was so worried about before the camp have melted away like the packet of chocolate BY downed one night. I feel more real than ever right now.

Today, when my parents came home, I made sure to run downstairs and hug both of them while covering them in smooches. My dad nearly peed his pants in surprise. I told my dad that I was the one who backed into the fire hydrant with the car, not Shray. I spoke confidently, without hesitation. I felt like President Hanning.

The 2011 APYC Leadership Retreat means something different for each and every one of us. For me, I have been given the chance to experience something genuine, something rare, and something remarkable. I would have never imagined joining APYC before the camp. Now I can’t imagine my life without joining APYC. I am looking forward to seeing everybody again and working as a group once again. I thank each and every one of you who went to the camp for creating so many memories.

For those of you reading this who didn’t go to the camp, I recommend that you go next year or join APYC this year. After all, everybody is welcome IN DA HOUSE.

Throw Up Your W’s,
Noel